my rape allegations against lil tracy

i’ve already posted about this on twitter a few months ago but i felt that i needed to add some details like the fact that i was underage when he first started talking to me and i felt the need to show dates of messages where i mentioned he raped me to prove this isn’t something i’m making up now just because he has other accusations.

i first started talking to tracy when he dmed me and he asked me to suck his dick. i was seventeen at the time. (screenshots below) i told him if i was ever in new york i would and we continued to talk here and there. then i was planning a trip to new york a few months later and i told him about it. he seemed excited and i was too. we even jokingly or not so jokingly talked about having kids together. i flew across the country to see him. he didn’t know i was going there just for him and i never told him that. but i was a really big fan and looked up to him a lot. like most of his younger teen girl fans do. he knows this and takes advantage of them like he did me. but anyways i was in new york and he hits me up at like 2 am asking me to come over. i take an uber there and at his apartment was some of his friends and two girls. one of which he introduced to me as his girlfriend… the other was his roommates girlfriend. i should’ve just left then because i was so uncomfortable. but he told me his girlfriend knew everything that was going on and that she was okay with it. i decided to stay and immediately they gave me alcohol. it was an open bottle but one of the other girls was drinking from it so i didn’t think much of it. i honestly don’t remember what it was. i didn’t have much of it like at all. one of his friends that was there (ryan beckford) was making me so uncomfortable he’d constantly touch my thighs even rubbed my feet at one point. he asked me to have sex with him multiple times. i said no and he’d tell me i’m no fun and i’m too quiet. tracy saw this happen all night and would literally laugh at it. tracy was also really touchy with me all night and get annoyed and ask why i was so uncomfortable. tracy refused to drink because he said he’d get violent if he did. he was taking pills though. his girlfriend told me last time he drank he hit her. (i didn’t ask her to go into detail he was standing right in front of us i didn’t know what to do and it’s not my story to share either way) i should’ve also left at this point. but i didn’t. eventually a tattoo artist comes over to give tracy and his roommates tattoos and i go onto his bed to lie down. his girlfriend was in there passed out already. i was so sleepy and definitely contact high from them smoking in my face all night. i was asleep and woken up by tracy sticking his hands up my shirt and then down my pants. i was so uncomfortable i just didn’t move and pretended to still be asleep so he’d leave me alone. but he didn’t and then he shook me awake to ask if he could give me head. i just said yes hoping he’d do it and then leave me alone. he did it and then left the room. i fell back asleep and was woken up by him touching on me again asking for head. once again i pretend to be asleep hoping he’d stop and he did for a while. then every what felt like twenty minutes or so he’d do it again. i would never respond and fall back asleep. i can’t explain how exhausted i was i literally couldn’t keep my eyes open. i’m not sure if i was drugged but at this point i see it as a possibility. him waking me up asking me to suck his dick happened maybe four or five more times until at one point i was woken up by him putting his dick inside of me. i just shut down. i always thought i’d scream and fight if someone tried to rape me but i can’t explain how helpless i felt. i just let it happen and passed out again for a few hours until i was woken up by him and his girlfriend yelling at each other. (she was in the same bed with us passed out as well as all of this happened) he asked me to leave and i did. i immediately told some of my close friends what happened and they told me i was raped. (screenshots of those texts messages below) i hadn’t even had time to process anything. i just shut down and tried to justify what he did to me in anyway and even ended up trying to see him again that trip. i also went and saw him on tour in seattle months later. a lot of victims do things like this but it doesn’t make what happened to me any less valid. i never told him this but for a while i thought he got me pregnant and that scared me into keeping the rape a secret even more. then i thought he gave me an std and i was mad about that so i told a lot of people on social media. but when i told them that i said the sex was consensual because i was still too scared to say he raped me. so when my std test results came back negative and i had accepted the fact that i was raped i was stuck because i felt like no one would believe me now. i’ve already spread a story that mentioned consensual sex around. everything would now seem invalid. (i mention this in screenshots with a friend below) i didn’t handle it well but there is no guide book for how to handle rape. your brain does odd things as a coping mechanism and falling in love with your abuser and continuing to see them is common. i feel guilty for not speaking up and warning other girls of him but he scares the shit out of me.

the screenshots below listed in order

• tracy asking me to suck his dick when i was underage
• my messages to a friend the day after the rape (december 2nd 2018) as seen in the screenshot telling one of my friends how it felt “rapey”
• april of 2019 talking to my friend about how i never thought i’d be able to say something publicly